Create healthy and happy relationships by understanding yourself, your partner and the work its takes
This blog is about partner horoscopes. It’s a fascinating subject. Don´t we all want to know something about our relationships, about our partner, about ourselves in relating? Well, I was definitely very interested when I came across the issue of relationship astrology. For a while I checked everybody that I came across, my family, the guys I was interested in and also all my friends. And a lot of the information was mind blowing. At the same time I was very young, and when you are young most of us are relatively inexperienced when it comes to relating. I definitely was. So I overlooked many aspects that I didn´t understand yet or wasn’t ready for. That came later, with time and experience. For example the understanding that relationships need work and you need to be willing to do that work if you want to stay together and have an alive, loving and healthy relationship. You need to communicate when difficulties arise; you need to make certain compromises. The whole idea of just having to find a compatible partner and live happily ever after is just not very realistic. At the same time compatibility is important; without it a relationship becomes a never ending struggle uphill .Astrology can give answers for both issues: what are the issues that you need to work on if you want this relationship to be happy and healthy and is it a good idea in the first place? It also says something about the uniqueness of a relationship, what is easy, flowing, how much attraction there is and what is the potential of it.
Let’s get started with the basics
The first thing many people want to know is: "do we fit together/ are we compatible?"
I could never answer that question with a simple "yes" or "no". And of course a partner reading answers much more than just this question. Well, let’s start with how it’s done.
First of all, you have to look at the birth charts of each of the partners:
What kind of basic personality does each partner have and what is important for the individual when it comes to partnership? What values do they have, what needs?
Answering the question of “what do I really need in a relationship?” honestly will save you a lot of suffering, arguments and energy. In the end, you will also always have to compromise. No relationship can provide all you want and need. The question is whether you are willing and able to live with the compromise that your partnership demands. Is this relationship basically nurturing and fitting your personality and needs- and is it for your partner as well?
For example, the material level works great in your relationship. You flow easily through daily rituals and duties together; you handle finances well, and house, garden and other practicalities are a source of contentment for both of you. When both of you have a deep need for that, you are homebodies, you need material security very much, you want a secure upbringing for your children etc. then this will work perfect you and you might be able to accept that for example you don’t share so many interests and interesting conversations. But if deep and interesting communication is on top of your list for a relationship- it might be more difficult. Or if for you emotional exchange is crucial, you want to connect in deep emotional intimacy, you need to feel that the other grogs you on an emotional level and responds to it. Also then a relationship that doesn´t provide that to the level that you need it will be unfulfilling.
Some people need a lot of space for themselves, some want to be very close and very spend much time with their partner. Some love a lot of physical contact, for others the most important thing is that they can talk and laugh with their partner. Some like to stay at home, others like to travel a lot. There are simply many areas that are touched in a partnership, and the more similar the values and needs are, the more harmony there is. Now, at the same time too much harmony can also become a problem, at some point it often feels more like friendship than partnership. A certain amount of "different" often brings liveliness and attraction. Too much of it and you can easily have a constant latent tension, you argue all the time and have difficulties to relax and just have fun with each other.
Of course, individual maturity also plays a big role. When two people with 40 years of life experience meet, people who have “done their emotional homework, have grown and matured (probably everybody knows “60 year old teenagers”, so it’s not only how old you are) there is often much better chances for a healthy happy relationship. If the same two people would have met when they were 20 years old, they might have not even felt attracted to each other. But the chart is always the same, you just can´t see maturity and your level of consciousness in it.
Since childhood wounds and karmic issues are touched sooner or later in a relationship, it depends very much on how much has been seen and healed in this area and how much awareness and ability to reflect the respective partners have. It can be assumed that the more unresolved wounds and karmic issues someone has, the more dramatic and painful their relationships will be. Even if one finds someone that is a very good energetic match, as long as one is not capable of relating healthily, a relationship doesn’t have too good chances of working out. Of course we also work through our stuff in and through a relationship. Sometimes a relationship that triggers your wounds can be the best thing that could happen to you, as it often makes you aware and willing to look deeper, to heal and let go of what it is the way. These kinds of relationship might end once you learned the lesson they provide, or they might continue on a new level of intimacy and love.
Next, one would look at the dynamics of the two horoscopes.
How do the partners influence each other?
Do you feel enlivened and refreshed when you meet your partner, or rather slowed down and relaxed? Or does your partner irritate you easily? Or do you feel guilty or criticised or drained a lot of the time? Do you often feel like doing something together or do you feel more like staying at home as a couple? How strong is the sexual attraction? How much do you "like the other person just the way he/she is"? What happens when you move in together: Is it supportive, relaxed and fun? Or does the relationship tend to get very challenging and you would be better off if each one had their own home? What about working together? What about having a child? What about shared finances- is that a good idea or a source of endless trouble? How is your communication-is it interesting, fun and you understand each other easily? Or is it difficult with a lot of misunderstandings?
For this the synastry, the comparing of two charts, can give valuable information. The way it works is that you basically project one chart on the other and then see what angles appear and which planet is in which house of the other. You could for example see that your Venus (what you like) makes an angle of 120 ° to the Mercury (communication) of your partner, which would be a trine, a so called soft aspect. That would have a positive influence on your communication. There is probably an easy and good verbal exchange between you. You understand each other easily and enjoy communicating with each other. You can talk also about difficult issues in a good and constructive way ( If you actually do that is another question and depends on other things). And of course, as always, this energy can get supported by other factors or weakened.
Another example would be: your Moon would fall into the 4th house of your partner. With that the issue of living together, creating a family and a home is highlighted; if your Moon is relatively harmonious / unchallenged and doesn´t receive too strong difficult aspects from your partner there will be a basic harmony, a feeling of wellbeing in the others` presence. Probably you will like living together, or want to create a family, or buy real estate together. If that Moon of yours gets a hard aspect from let´s say your partners Saturn, the energy changes a bit. It also changes flavour when your Moon is challenged in your birth chart. You always need to look at the whole picture; to interpret details by themselves can easily mislead you.
How can the partner reading support you as a couple?
It can give you a good overview about the dynamics in the partnership, how you influence each other, what you trigger in each other, what you need to watch out for and how compatible you are.
It can give you clarity about the good and flowing parts in your relationship. Often we have a tendency to focus on the negative, on what is not, and to become aware of what is good creates gratefulness and appreciation. And that is the best ground for love to blossom. Also to become aware of what is not so easy and what are the hidden (or not so hidden...) dynamics can help tremendously.
In every relationship, no matter how harmonious, there will be difficult issues and times. These challenging issues and times often determine how and sometimes even if the relationship continues. In a partner reading you get valuable information how to navigate critical times, how to deal with difficulties in the relationship, and also what awaits you” if you do your job well”. Relationships need the willingness to face certain issues, to work with them or through them, to communicate and also to accept certain facts and limitations. In my opinion, even the best match doesn´t survive without this basic willingness. People might stay together, but the spark will leave, the feeling of connection and love. Also sexuality changes in the course of a relationship and needs a different approach every once in a while to stay alive.
“The understanding of each other’s unique nature that astrology can provide encourages trust since we can see our partner more deeply and accept how they really are.”
Stephen Arroyo
It’s still up to you...
Like a birth chart a partner horoscope is a potential, a blueprint. If you live this potential depends on both partners.
I can´t emphasize this enough, as the “I just have to find the perfect partner and we will live happily ever after” idea is surprisingly alive in our society. It’s fed by movies and romance novels which often end when the partners finally after some struggles meet and marry. I often wonder: How would this relationship look after 5 or even 10 years? Much likely they would be divorced, or at least in a serious relationship crisis, as often they showed such immature behaviour in the course of their mating; so much miscommunication, holding back their true feelings, blaming and demanding behaviour that makes a healthy relationship very unlikely. And especially young people buy into this, looking for their soul mate, or twin flame or Mr./ Mrs. Right , thinking that finding them is all that matters. Sigh…
I wish sometimes that there would be more movies and books about mature relating, the work that couples need to do to keep their relationship happy and healthy – and also what they get for it in the end: A partner that you can really trust because you know them very well in their shadow and their light, being accepted and loved for who you really are, true intimacy and somebody you can be really yourself with. Priceless.
That said a basic compatibility is crucial as well. Sometimes I see people trying very hard to make a relationship work, and the partners just don’t fit to each other. They have different needs, different values, different interests and different ways of expressing themselves and of relating. In the end one or both feel like a failure. Astrology would be able to point that out as well.
If you are interested in a partner reading and have more questions about it please feel free to contact me.